Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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