Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
