Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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