You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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