and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize