i love accidental penises.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
