Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
