WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
