y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
