Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had sex on a roof
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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