ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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