How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
