this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
