well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
