he was CRYING into my vagina
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
