He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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