I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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