I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
