I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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