"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
