I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
