Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize