You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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