yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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