My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
