just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
