The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
