Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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