Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize