Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
