I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
