she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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