you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
