since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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