the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
