dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize