i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
