Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
