She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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