Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
