How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
