watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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