wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
