So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
