hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
