Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
