I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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