bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
