I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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