I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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