Tell her she can't have a vagina
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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