Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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