You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
