The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
