Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They are going to name an STD after you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
