I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
