What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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