I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
