i just wanna soil my oats bro
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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