I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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