just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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