well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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