My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
