Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
