i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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