It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
