Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
