Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
